thoughts and things

I have met someone who  asks many questions. Well I met her ages ago but only in the exchange pleasantries and make small talk kind of way. Even the small talk then seemed like each word was chosen rather than spilled from our mouths and I liked it. I normally hate small talk. But yes, she asks questions and not the normal kind. She rarely asks about my day or what  I had for dinner but instead asks if I've met my future wife yet or if I believe in God, things that people tend not to ask anymore. The God one stumped me. I used to. I thanked God for watching over me when I  was in hospital and prayed before every single exam that I've ever taken.  I prayed to thank him more often than to ask for things. I would talk to him on long walks home. Do I believe now though? I'm not so sure. Do I believe in fate? Not so much. The thought depresses me and even when your life fits together in a way that seems way too good to be true, it is just an elaborate coincidence to me. But karma, that is something that I can believe in. If I do then the last two days are pretty strong examples of how messed up it can work.

Thursday was a day that I had been looking forward to. I never tend to look forward to Thursdays but I had the day off and would be seeing The White Stripes in a field which is called a park because it is in London. I wasn't excited on Thursday though and was trying to make myself get more excited. It didn't work. The day started well as we met Andrew and went into London, had Pizza Hut buffet which made my tummy hurt and then went to get a pear cider and play it-box in Leicester Sq. It was fun but we had to leave soon to get to Hyde Park, and so we did. I wanted to get there early to see Sam Isaac play. I thought we had missed him as, when waiting in the queue, you could hear him. I cursed quite a few times, but it was just him soundchecking and we were happily sat on grass before he took to the stage. It was weird seeing him up there along with Luke and a surprising Stephen, but they were brilliant and even won Lawrence over. Pete And The Pirates were good too but we had to leave halfway through as we saw Lawrence's crazy German ex-girlfriend and so sprinted in the opposite direction out of the tent. We ended up bumping into them anyway at the beer tent thing and everything seemed to be heading badly. But then Harry arrived and we went on a cheap version of The Samurai called 'Chaos' and then did 'Somebody Told Me' on karaoke while I wore a black curly wig and a pink dress. Everything seemed to be getting better then. I was also a little drunk on ale. We then lost the crazy ex and then Lawrence and her brother went off to meet her and left Harry and i watching The Thrills. They were pretty mediocre at best. We didn't find Lawrence again until after watching QOTSA (who I described to Sandra in a text as 'a bunch of spoons on stage looking for a milk bottle to clang with. There are no bottles in sight'), having had my phone stolen and having met a charming Aussie fellow called Will. Lawrence was in the centre of 'the pit' watching The Stripes and Will and I soon joined him there. Harry had disappeared. Somewhat like Houdini. I was pretty down about my phone and so, when two women almost fell over and got crushed, I decided I' look out for them to make sure that they were okay. I was very sweaty and can barely remember much of The Stripes. That upset me. When we left we looked in vain for my phone. We then caught a bus, which seemed to take forever, to Kings Cross and found that our train had been cancelled and would have to wait fifty minutes for one. All in all a disappointing day that would've been better if I'd just gone to work.

I woke up on Friday, having slept very little and feeling pretty hungover, dreading going to work. Before work I called Orange to cancel my sim card and then , once at work, I called the police. I decided to say that it was stolen at Borehamwood train station to ensure that I got a new phone and, after getting my crime reference number and calling Orange, I was told I'd get my phone tomorrow (which I just signed for and it it currently charging). I then received my payslip to find that I'd been paid around £300 more than I thought that I would. For lunch I went into my town centre and bumped in to a lady from work who had been in South Africa for around a month and who I have missed. We hugged and she said that she'd be back at work in a week. Once at home in the evening I found that my speakers were not working on my pc but somehow fixed them.

It is strange but these days seem to be so very different. Maybe it was due to the fact that I kept smiling on Thursday even when everything had gone wrong. Maybe it is just coincidence. Maybe it is because someone is asking me questions that make me think again. Maybe it is because I feel like I'm going back ot the person i was a year ago, but a stronger more independent version of that person. Perhaps life just happens, but I feel as though I'm  rich in faith once again.  Positivity.

So I am starting livejournal afresh. I have deleted everything that I  have written and logged before. I felt that they read like teenage poetry. I was getting my livejournal sea-legs and it is only fair to let me start again without judging me on my past. I'm sure that you do not. I do though. I  was silly, well I am silly but I was silly enough to show my sillyness on here. That is a whole lot of silly.

Today I wore my uniform to work. It is a black suit with a purple shirt and darker purple tie. There is a small sky blue 'H' on the jacket and a small black 'H' on the shirt. There are no 'H's on the trousers or the tie.  I suggested that the tie should have a silver 'H' but I was laughed away. I thought that it would make me look a little more like a magician. The 'H's stand for 'Hertsmere' and that is the council that I work for. I found out that stitching the 'H's on means that they do not have to pay VAT as the clothes are strictly for work purposes then.

Tonight I wrote a story. It is the first story that I have written in over a year and the first since I finished my degree. It is not very good and I've realised now that no one is likely to want to read it but I still feel like I have achieved. I need to give it to Gem and to finally accept hers from her. I couldn't accept hers until I had something to offer in return. I do not like receiving without giving. It makes me feel guilty.

This weekend was a shot back to what weekends used to be. Pear cider is one reason. Parks with brilliant people is another. It was just lovely and spontaneous and far beyond what I had hoped for. If you were part of it then thank you; if you weren't then explaining it here will not let you in on how amazing it was.

I want to write something creative here but I'm all out of creative juice currently. I am drained of it. I will update this in the next few days with better things to say. A new start is all this is.